I'm letting you know right now, you are probably going to either love or hate this blog post. Just a heads up...
As a first born son, I've always taken on the responsibility of knowing that every step I take is being carefully observed and replicated by my younger brothers. It's something I've just grown up with and sometime forget about. But it's what drives me to success. I look at who I am and think, "would my younger brother want to be where I am at right now?" Or would he look at my life and think of how he will take every step he can to be the opposite of who I am. So with that said, I place a lot of responsibility on men to be leaders to women. It's a very controversial issue in the emerging contemporary church but I believe that in a marriage relationship, a man's primary responsibility is to be as christlike as possible. This is what it means to lead. To serve, respect, unconditionally love, and have passion to maximize his wife and make her all that she can be. People often look to biblical verses regarding men having power over women and get all edgy about it. I disagree and think that what was written was very intentional. Yes I understand that in ancient times, culture was dominated by a powerful system of masculine superiority. But understand that a truly powerful and righteous man will do anything within his power to serve others. It is something that in our American culture, we have really lost touch with. I wish it wasn't that way. I wish that men would look to what Jesus taught on service and love and compassion and truly realize how beautiful it is when two people can love each other and serve so passionately.
So why am I writing about this? Well lately, I've been encountering a lot of instances where men of my age have really screwed up, and I thought I should say something about it. Simply said, I cannot count on my two hands how many women in my life have been raped or sexually assaulted by a man. How many women will have burdens that they carry into every future relationship they will ever have? How many marriages will struggle because of one man's lack of judgement? Think of how many girls there are out there that believe that they are far from God and blackened by actions they had little to no influence on. I've seen the court hearings. I've seen the suicides and the drug addictions that develop out of this. These women's lives are lost. And we all know that. Sexual abuse is an epidemic that is running rampant through our schools, our homes, and our families. This is unacceptable!
Like I said, we hear this a lot today. It is no mystery that women are being attacked by men. But hink of how often you hear of the guy of the situation? Somehow he manages to walk away. But what I can't even begin to understand is how can this even be possible? How do you invisibly walk away from raping a woman?! Do you not look at Facebook and see that smiling profile picture and realize that she will probably never smile for the rest of the year because of what you've done to her? How can you possibly live with yourself?! How can you even begin to tollerate the guilt and shame and utter embarrassment for how immature and weak you are? You destroyed her life and made her think that it was her fault! I don't get it.
When I lived in Idaho, I participated in a group called Start Strong. I was young, about 16 years old. As part of this group, I led and coordinated several events at the local middle schools and taught short sessions on healthy dating and spotting the signs of abuse. I absolutely loved this program! And I learned a lot, but what really struck me was how these 12 to 15 year old boys were viewing the girls of their school. These teenage girls were objects, traded for a monetary value based on the shape of their body and the length of their hair. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I began to search for answers. In one specific class session, I asked everybody, girls included, what it meant to be a man and what phrases come to mind when you think of manliness. The top answers were typically "rub some dirt on it," "no pain no gain," "men don't cry," and "be in control." I would then ask them what it meant to not be a man. The top answer by a long shot was "pussy," followed by "gay" and "weak." All of which are derogatory towards women (which is another whole blog in itself). So there was my problem. The image of what it meant to be a man. But can it be changed? I'm quickly losing hope.
I could go on and write a lot more about this, but it's 2:45 in the morning and I need to collect my thoughts and go to bed. If you want to hear more, shoot me up an invite to coffee or lunch.
So my challenge is simple. Men, grow up and realize what it means to really be man! Are you going to go out and be that badass that you are as you slap your girl and force her to have sex with you? Are you going fall into your apetites and fill that short term desire for sex? How much does it cost to fill that desire? Is rape the ultimate cost? What about her life?
I want to create a shift in this perspective. So please, join me and make women feel loved! Tell her how beautiful her eyes are today! How much you like her dress. Can you imagine how different this world would be if women can look at your face and think "Wow! He is a great friend and cares for me so much! That is a true man of God!" I want to be that man of God. I want so badly to understand God's love just so I can share it with the world and spread it to everybody around me!
To the women out there who have been affected by the immature actions of men in your lives, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I will never be able to fathom the pain that you have gone through. I know that there isn't much I can do to help but I really want to encourage you to reach out and seek help. I was absolutely blown away by how many girls, especially close friends of mine, that keep sexual assault and rape a secret from their family and church. God has so much mercy and love for you! There is nothing that can separate you from that! If you attend Azusa Pacific University, you are probably not going to get a better chance to share this pain you suffer from. The people here are authentic and love you so much! I pray for your courage and that you can see the love that God has for you.
Peace.
