On this glorious day of Christmas, I find myself not inclined to write about Christmas or being thankful or any of that gleeful hubbub that places a delighted smirk on the faces of readers. Rather, I am going to talk about the one thing that bothers me with being with my family. Sorry to disappoint you if you were hoping to lighten your heart with a shallow Christmas love story.
A few people that know me well enough know that I can not be around people for a very long time. As much as I like being social and partying and all that jazz, I get tense, impatient, and will eventually blow up on somebody and scare the heck out of them as I go off on some rant about how they have been annoying me for days if I do not get the break I need. I needed time to myself. It is kind of like a drug in my life. I need my daily dose of alone time. I love people and admire the beauty of relationships but balance in my life comes directly from within me. I learned that this is what makes me a true introvert. You can tell if a person is introverted or extroverted by asking them what they do when they need spiritual or emotional revival. Do they become the life of the party and bask in the rays of external personalities? Or do they go off to themselves and reflect or relax to rejuvenate? The latter question is my giveaway. It is true to me one hundred percent. I am an introvert.
When I need energy or life, I go off to myself and do a few of these things. Sometimes I play guitar and belt out until I can't sing a single note more, or until somebody hears me (if you ever get me to sing or play guitar publicly, consider yourself one in a billion). Other times, I listen to music and mindlessly surf the Web for a few hours. Most likely, I will sit at my desk, plug in my iPod, and engage in some sort of personal communication with somebody. This tends to be either writing letters (which I have become exceedingly fond of as college has progressed), texting, or emailing. I never can really know who I will end up talking to but it tends to be somebody who I value very highly in my life. The reality of the situation is that I want to be away from people and want to be with a person. I will take that hour to myself to regenerate and then I will invite somebody to join me in my sacred time. This all bubbles down to why I can not stand to be at home for long periods of time. My family is always around and wanting to have me with them.
Before I moved out, so around early April, I moved into the TV room so my brothers could have their own rooms because they fought so much. I loved this transition but feared the fact that I no longer had control of my privacy in the house. Now back here, I am screwed. I have no car, it is below freezing outside, and my family has not seen me for months. It is the perfect storm. Day by day goes by where I do not get time to myself and I am slowly getting closer to my mental boiling point. I am surprised I have lasted this long into the break. Even a few days of family time without a break is difficult for me. The sooner I get back to college, away from my little brothers always being in my space, the better. I love my family and will miss them dearly, but golly do I need a good break.
However, I am being summoned to a family game right now. Lord, give me patience. :) Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. May your Winter breaks continue to be a blessing!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Home is wherever I'm with you... psh, yeah right.
Welcome home Britton Hennessy! More like welcome to the dwelling of your direct family. I realized the day I arrived back home, Thursday December 15, that my family's house, in which we have lived in for five years now, is not my home.
Historically, I have never really had a place I can call home. I moved a lot as a kid, went to new schools, and make lots of random friends, then I moved on and had to make new ones every year. I moved to new houses in third, sixth, and eighth grade. But if you consider going from one grade level to the next, you can say that I went to new schools in third, sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth grade, and once again for college. Now with all of this moving around behind me, I look back and realize that I never truly fitted in to any one of those places. Though I loved every single place for different reasons: my first house was so adventurous, elementary school was my favorite neighborhood, seventh grade had my favorite house and church, and eighth grade was where I loved school the most. None of these places will I ever call my home.
I really thought APU was going to be my home. I thought that finally I will be where I desire to be, the LA county area. However, I still have not found that perfect place for me. Don't get my wrong though, I absolutely love APU! The friends I have made there are the best friendships I have ever been blessed with, the culture is extremely active and unique in its own way, and I am taking my education beyond what I ever thought I could.
In my Christian, Life, Faith, and Ministry class, we discussed a lot about what God's will is for our lives. How we determine our purpose here on Earth. I was to begin looking at my vocation, calling, or life goal if you will. I started thinking about the things that drive me. The parts in life that make my heart just melt in joy or love. I couldn't put my finger directly on it. In fact, I was actually asked a little over a week ago, "what are you passionate about?" When I was asked this, I was completely blank! I looked across the table as my mind went into panic mode. Staring into space, my mind was searching for a file that did not exist. I couldn't answer such a simple question. I really don't remember what I eventually said but it must not have been very deep. Probably something about t-shirt design or being nice to girls. The point is that maybe I am about to grasp something I have never considered before.
Maybe I am not meant to have a home somewhere. Is it possible that I settling down somewhere just is not for me? I love going on voyages. Hear me out though, to me, there is a difference between travelling and a voyage. For me, traveling has a smaller more delicate sense of direction or purpose. Travelling is to explore, enjoy, or be entertained. My voyages have validity. They are deeper. When I think of going on a voyage in life, I have a mission and objective. I am going to seek out something and begin a new chapter of my life. This chapter will forever change me and when I am ready, I new chapter will begin and I will venture yonder once again. My voyage to APU was my lift ticket to my future. I came to APU to propel my life further than ever before. Here, I create beautiful relationships and reroute my faith in a straight path to God. But there is one thing that seems to be impossible to miss about this new place.
Many people at school believe that they will find their future spouse during college. This is a joke. Do you really go searching for this person? I think it's too consuming. How can I focus on my faith and education when I am distracting myself with girls? I don't want to spend my time looking for my long lost love. I put it this way, I kind of adopted this from something I heard from some speaker at some conference some short amount of years ago. If somebody is going to be with me forever, this is the one criteria they must meet. If I look at my life, I am running. I am running towards success and towards God. I look around myself in my run and see the people around me, some passing me, me passing others, and then I look and realize there is a stunning woman running right beside me at the exact same pace. She catches me eye, but she doesn't make me stop in a startle. I look over at her and she gets this mischievous look that says something along the lines of "bring it on, lets see what you've got." She runs next to me and looks as I am running my life and all of the sudden we are racing! We are pushing each other to success, to God, leaping over obstacles side by side as we push ourselves faster than we have ever gone before. We launch each other to excellence. That girl will be the one I spend my life with. I shall keep a sharp eye out in this race.
Most of what I am saying right now about home, life, and women, is just the birth of an idea. It's still forming and I am figuring a lot out right now. I just want to express it so I can share it and look back on this day a few months or even years from now.
There are a lot of things I am learning about myself and the man of God I am becoming. Mostly thanks to you, my ever so faithful friends. I learn a lot about myself through the eyes of others. Thanks for being so amazing. I miss my APU family like no other! I mean, it is great to be back in my house with my family but gosh I really do miss so much about you guys! I can not wait to get back. Lets get coffee and catch up. And if you're reading this from Idaho, let's hang out.
P.S. I am almost to 500 page views. Make it happen by Christmas.
Historically, I have never really had a place I can call home. I moved a lot as a kid, went to new schools, and make lots of random friends, then I moved on and had to make new ones every year. I moved to new houses in third, sixth, and eighth grade. But if you consider going from one grade level to the next, you can say that I went to new schools in third, sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth grade, and once again for college. Now with all of this moving around behind me, I look back and realize that I never truly fitted in to any one of those places. Though I loved every single place for different reasons: my first house was so adventurous, elementary school was my favorite neighborhood, seventh grade had my favorite house and church, and eighth grade was where I loved school the most. None of these places will I ever call my home.
I really thought APU was going to be my home. I thought that finally I will be where I desire to be, the LA county area. However, I still have not found that perfect place for me. Don't get my wrong though, I absolutely love APU! The friends I have made there are the best friendships I have ever been blessed with, the culture is extremely active and unique in its own way, and I am taking my education beyond what I ever thought I could.
In my Christian, Life, Faith, and Ministry class, we discussed a lot about what God's will is for our lives. How we determine our purpose here on Earth. I was to begin looking at my vocation, calling, or life goal if you will. I started thinking about the things that drive me. The parts in life that make my heart just melt in joy or love. I couldn't put my finger directly on it. In fact, I was actually asked a little over a week ago, "what are you passionate about?" When I was asked this, I was completely blank! I looked across the table as my mind went into panic mode. Staring into space, my mind was searching for a file that did not exist. I couldn't answer such a simple question. I really don't remember what I eventually said but it must not have been very deep. Probably something about t-shirt design or being nice to girls. The point is that maybe I am about to grasp something I have never considered before.
Maybe I am not meant to have a home somewhere. Is it possible that I settling down somewhere just is not for me? I love going on voyages. Hear me out though, to me, there is a difference between travelling and a voyage. For me, traveling has a smaller more delicate sense of direction or purpose. Travelling is to explore, enjoy, or be entertained. My voyages have validity. They are deeper. When I think of going on a voyage in life, I have a mission and objective. I am going to seek out something and begin a new chapter of my life. This chapter will forever change me and when I am ready, I new chapter will begin and I will venture yonder once again. My voyage to APU was my lift ticket to my future. I came to APU to propel my life further than ever before. Here, I create beautiful relationships and reroute my faith in a straight path to God. But there is one thing that seems to be impossible to miss about this new place.
Many people at school believe that they will find their future spouse during college. This is a joke. Do you really go searching for this person? I think it's too consuming. How can I focus on my faith and education when I am distracting myself with girls? I don't want to spend my time looking for my long lost love. I put it this way, I kind of adopted this from something I heard from some speaker at some conference some short amount of years ago. If somebody is going to be with me forever, this is the one criteria they must meet. If I look at my life, I am running. I am running towards success and towards God. I look around myself in my run and see the people around me, some passing me, me passing others, and then I look and realize there is a stunning woman running right beside me at the exact same pace. She catches me eye, but she doesn't make me stop in a startle. I look over at her and she gets this mischievous look that says something along the lines of "bring it on, lets see what you've got." She runs next to me and looks as I am running my life and all of the sudden we are racing! We are pushing each other to success, to God, leaping over obstacles side by side as we push ourselves faster than we have ever gone before. We launch each other to excellence. That girl will be the one I spend my life with. I shall keep a sharp eye out in this race.
Most of what I am saying right now about home, life, and women, is just the birth of an idea. It's still forming and I am figuring a lot out right now. I just want to express it so I can share it and look back on this day a few months or even years from now.
There are a lot of things I am learning about myself and the man of God I am becoming. Mostly thanks to you, my ever so faithful friends. I learn a lot about myself through the eyes of others. Thanks for being so amazing. I miss my APU family like no other! I mean, it is great to be back in my house with my family but gosh I really do miss so much about you guys! I can not wait to get back. Lets get coffee and catch up. And if you're reading this from Idaho, let's hang out.
P.S. I am almost to 500 page views. Make it happen by Christmas.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
How I Connect With God
I had a very captivating moment with a few friends today. We were talking about God and the creation of the stars and how marvelous it was. How the stars are set into mathematical equations and how we see certain formations at certain time and how stars can be tracked to tell time and other sorts of phenomenons. We sat in the freezing cold for maybe half an hour giggling and occasionally yelling in joy. It was a beautiful time for all of us. Good bonding and such. I have such a huge love to learn about people so I was thriving inside. Learning how each and every person finds God in different ways. In the end, we all huddled together and prayed and then went inside. I love each and every one of them so much. All in different ways. I am blessed so much through them. Anyways, while we were praying, I was looking up at the stars. I have always felt that praying out loud while looking up to the sky is how I connect to God the most in prayer, especially while I am outside and I can look into the deep of the night sky.
There are three ways I really connect with God in my life. First, through open prayer, second through powerful worship, and third through complete and utter silence and isolation.
Like mentioned earlier, I like pray looking up with my eyes open. Growing up in a typical American church, I was taught to bow my head and close my eyes like everybody else, but it never really felt right. I always felt as if I was just going with the motions. Only recently did I take my prayer life by the horns and make it my own. I started experimenting with how I pray. I was trying to find the best way to speak to God. From the growth I had experienced through Teen Focus my freshman year, I took the concept of open body positioning. I had always noticed a significant change in my attitude through people just from the way I compose my body. Talking with my arms behind my back or to my sides is much different than with my arms crossed or in my pockets. I try to avoid that. But I do like to cross my arms if I'm arguing something or trying to become more intimidating. It's a fun thing to mess around with. I took this whole concept and applied it to my prayer life. Instantly, I felt a huge difference the very first time. The conviction I felt was much deeper than before. I was afraid because I was so vulnerable. Something I urge people to try is to lay on your back and pray with your arms and legs spread out as if you are doing a jumping jack on the floor. It may feel silly, but I love it. This action really makes me scared because of how vulnerable my physical position is. It's an incredible experience.
As I continued to develop my personal relationship with Christ going through high school and now into college, I look to God more as a leader in my life. Somebody I look to for guidance. Where many people believe that human kind is doomed to fail without God, I believe that God created people very capable of success. I like to see myself succeed in something on my own. Not that I want to be separated from God, but that I think I can do something and God has given me the strengths to find what I am good at. Because of this, I don't really like looking down and closing my eyes when I pray. I do like bowing though, but that's a big physical thing, like laying down. I find that opening my eyes and staring up into the sky is the best way for me. Mentally, this is me looking to God because He is right there in my presence. God is towering over me with honor and glory and I don't deserve it but I receive love from Him every day. This looking up makes me feel so small and reminds me of how powerful God is. When I used to bow my head, I felt fearful of God, and I didn't like it. I wanted to feel capable, powerful, and created with strength. I don't like feeling helpless. I don't think God made people to fail at life without Him. He just desires to be with us every step of the way. So now I pray with my hands and eyes open reaching out to God to feel his touch. It is one of my most favorite things to do.
The second way I connect with God is through worship. Now, in this case, I mean musical worship. Ideally, there is an incredibly gifted band that is rocking out and blasting the music so loud that I can barely hear myself sing. Here's the thing, I love powerful music; buildups, minor keys, loud fans, the whole thing. I am very picky with worship music. This factor actually is the largest part of me choosing a church home. The speaker can be amazing, but if the worship sucks, I will most likely not attend. When I worship, I want to be dancing. I want to be belting out every tone I can render in a crowd of people singing along with me. I am that guy you see in the front row with his hands raised as high as I can reach, dancing and praising God with all that I can. Ironically, I found that the best worship experience of my life was at Camp Hammer. The freedom that people find there is unbelievable! When you've got 100 children and college students dancing together and raising their hands to praise God, the community in singing openly breaks me down every time. I bawl so hard! I just can not get over the fact of the people all singing together. It's so beautiful.
Aside from this loud concert-like music, I connect with God through silence, especially in nature. I don't think many people today really know what silence really is. Silence is scary, first off. I think that because our brains are so used to noise, we are actually incapable of hearing silence. Seriously. You know how when you leave a concert, your ears are ringing for a few hours because they are blown out a bit? I think that this is actually what we live in everyday. We have become so accustomed to noise that our brain doesn't know how to comprehend a lack of noise. There has only been one place I've ever heard complete silence. That was in the mountains of Idaho while I was snowboarding. I think that's why I see God in my life so much when I am standing at the top of snowcapped mountain peaks looking down at the vastness of the world. I will go out of my way for hours just to find this silence. I hike up to the highest peak of ski resorts and when I reach them, I fall flat on my back, hopefully at night so I can see the stars of the night ski, and I will hold my breath as long as I can. I stop my breathing, moving, and anything I may do that may make the slightest sound. I listen to nothing. Going back the ears ringing idea, well that is what I experience there. My ears begin to ring, as if my mind is going to a panic because there is no noise. It's the oddest thing. I want to be in silence all the time. Maybe then my mind can actually hear silence. It can actually be relaxed and enjoy the peace of creation. It's really easy to find this silence on the mountains because the snow collects and blocks any type of sound that may reach me. That car peeling out 5 miles away. That helicopter at the hospital taking off. All of the little things can completely ruin this experience. I hope to share this with somebody someday. I want to lie next to somebody and just listen to nothing for a few minutes. God speaks into my heart through this. All I want is for somebody else to realize how great it is. At the same time, I do like having this uniqueness in my relationship with Christ. I can not wait for snowboarding season because of this.
All in all, God is unfathomable. He blows my mind every single day! Here at APU, His presence is so powerful! People's lives are being completely revolutionized. I am in community with the most beautiful people in the world. I don't ever want to leave this place. Friends at APU, stay with me forever! I love all of you individually! Coffee dates sometime, they are my favorite.
There are three ways I really connect with God in my life. First, through open prayer, second through powerful worship, and third through complete and utter silence and isolation.
Like mentioned earlier, I like pray looking up with my eyes open. Growing up in a typical American church, I was taught to bow my head and close my eyes like everybody else, but it never really felt right. I always felt as if I was just going with the motions. Only recently did I take my prayer life by the horns and make it my own. I started experimenting with how I pray. I was trying to find the best way to speak to God. From the growth I had experienced through Teen Focus my freshman year, I took the concept of open body positioning. I had always noticed a significant change in my attitude through people just from the way I compose my body. Talking with my arms behind my back or to my sides is much different than with my arms crossed or in my pockets. I try to avoid that. But I do like to cross my arms if I'm arguing something or trying to become more intimidating. It's a fun thing to mess around with. I took this whole concept and applied it to my prayer life. Instantly, I felt a huge difference the very first time. The conviction I felt was much deeper than before. I was afraid because I was so vulnerable. Something I urge people to try is to lay on your back and pray with your arms and legs spread out as if you are doing a jumping jack on the floor. It may feel silly, but I love it. This action really makes me scared because of how vulnerable my physical position is. It's an incredible experience.
As I continued to develop my personal relationship with Christ going through high school and now into college, I look to God more as a leader in my life. Somebody I look to for guidance. Where many people believe that human kind is doomed to fail without God, I believe that God created people very capable of success. I like to see myself succeed in something on my own. Not that I want to be separated from God, but that I think I can do something and God has given me the strengths to find what I am good at. Because of this, I don't really like looking down and closing my eyes when I pray. I do like bowing though, but that's a big physical thing, like laying down. I find that opening my eyes and staring up into the sky is the best way for me. Mentally, this is me looking to God because He is right there in my presence. God is towering over me with honor and glory and I don't deserve it but I receive love from Him every day. This looking up makes me feel so small and reminds me of how powerful God is. When I used to bow my head, I felt fearful of God, and I didn't like it. I wanted to feel capable, powerful, and created with strength. I don't like feeling helpless. I don't think God made people to fail at life without Him. He just desires to be with us every step of the way. So now I pray with my hands and eyes open reaching out to God to feel his touch. It is one of my most favorite things to do.
The second way I connect with God is through worship. Now, in this case, I mean musical worship. Ideally, there is an incredibly gifted band that is rocking out and blasting the music so loud that I can barely hear myself sing. Here's the thing, I love powerful music; buildups, minor keys, loud fans, the whole thing. I am very picky with worship music. This factor actually is the largest part of me choosing a church home. The speaker can be amazing, but if the worship sucks, I will most likely not attend. When I worship, I want to be dancing. I want to be belting out every tone I can render in a crowd of people singing along with me. I am that guy you see in the front row with his hands raised as high as I can reach, dancing and praising God with all that I can. Ironically, I found that the best worship experience of my life was at Camp Hammer. The freedom that people find there is unbelievable! When you've got 100 children and college students dancing together and raising their hands to praise God, the community in singing openly breaks me down every time. I bawl so hard! I just can not get over the fact of the people all singing together. It's so beautiful.
Aside from this loud concert-like music, I connect with God through silence, especially in nature. I don't think many people today really know what silence really is. Silence is scary, first off. I think that because our brains are so used to noise, we are actually incapable of hearing silence. Seriously. You know how when you leave a concert, your ears are ringing for a few hours because they are blown out a bit? I think that this is actually what we live in everyday. We have become so accustomed to noise that our brain doesn't know how to comprehend a lack of noise. There has only been one place I've ever heard complete silence. That was in the mountains of Idaho while I was snowboarding. I think that's why I see God in my life so much when I am standing at the top of snowcapped mountain peaks looking down at the vastness of the world. I will go out of my way for hours just to find this silence. I hike up to the highest peak of ski resorts and when I reach them, I fall flat on my back, hopefully at night so I can see the stars of the night ski, and I will hold my breath as long as I can. I stop my breathing, moving, and anything I may do that may make the slightest sound. I listen to nothing. Going back the ears ringing idea, well that is what I experience there. My ears begin to ring, as if my mind is going to a panic because there is no noise. It's the oddest thing. I want to be in silence all the time. Maybe then my mind can actually hear silence. It can actually be relaxed and enjoy the peace of creation. It's really easy to find this silence on the mountains because the snow collects and blocks any type of sound that may reach me. That car peeling out 5 miles away. That helicopter at the hospital taking off. All of the little things can completely ruin this experience. I hope to share this with somebody someday. I want to lie next to somebody and just listen to nothing for a few minutes. God speaks into my heart through this. All I want is for somebody else to realize how great it is. At the same time, I do like having this uniqueness in my relationship with Christ. I can not wait for snowboarding season because of this.
All in all, God is unfathomable. He blows my mind every single day! Here at APU, His presence is so powerful! People's lives are being completely revolutionized. I am in community with the most beautiful people in the world. I don't ever want to leave this place. Friends at APU, stay with me forever! I love all of you individually! Coffee dates sometime, they are my favorite.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)