On this glorious day of Christmas, I find myself not inclined to write about Christmas or being thankful or any of that gleeful hubbub that places a delighted smirk on the faces of readers. Rather, I am going to talk about the one thing that bothers me with being with my family. Sorry to disappoint you if you were hoping to lighten your heart with a shallow Christmas love story.
A few people that know me well enough know that I can not be around people for a very long time. As much as I like being social and partying and all that jazz, I get tense, impatient, and will eventually blow up on somebody and scare the heck out of them as I go off on some rant about how they have been annoying me for days if I do not get the break I need. I needed time to myself. It is kind of like a drug in my life. I need my daily dose of alone time. I love people and admire the beauty of relationships but balance in my life comes directly from within me. I learned that this is what makes me a true introvert. You can tell if a person is introverted or extroverted by asking them what they do when they need spiritual or emotional revival. Do they become the life of the party and bask in the rays of external personalities? Or do they go off to themselves and reflect or relax to rejuvenate? The latter question is my giveaway. It is true to me one hundred percent. I am an introvert.
When I need energy or life, I go off to myself and do a few of these things. Sometimes I play guitar and belt out until I can't sing a single note more, or until somebody hears me (if you ever get me to sing or play guitar publicly, consider yourself one in a billion). Other times, I listen to music and mindlessly surf the Web for a few hours. Most likely, I will sit at my desk, plug in my iPod, and engage in some sort of personal communication with somebody. This tends to be either writing letters (which I have become exceedingly fond of as college has progressed), texting, or emailing. I never can really know who I will end up talking to but it tends to be somebody who I value very highly in my life. The reality of the situation is that I want to be away from people and want to be with a person. I will take that hour to myself to regenerate and then I will invite somebody to join me in my sacred time. This all bubbles down to why I can not stand to be at home for long periods of time. My family is always around and wanting to have me with them.
Before I moved out, so around early April, I moved into the TV room so my brothers could have their own rooms because they fought so much. I loved this transition but feared the fact that I no longer had control of my privacy in the house. Now back here, I am screwed. I have no car, it is below freezing outside, and my family has not seen me for months. It is the perfect storm. Day by day goes by where I do not get time to myself and I am slowly getting closer to my mental boiling point. I am surprised I have lasted this long into the break. Even a few days of family time without a break is difficult for me. The sooner I get back to college, away from my little brothers always being in my space, the better. I love my family and will miss them dearly, but golly do I need a good break.
However, I am being summoned to a family game right now. Lord, give me patience. :) Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. May your Winter breaks continue to be a blessing!
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