Welcome home Britton Hennessy! More like welcome to the dwelling of your direct family. I realized the day I arrived back home, Thursday December 15, that my family's house, in which we have lived in for five years now, is not my home.
Historically, I have never really had a place I can call home. I moved a lot as a kid, went to new schools, and make lots of random friends, then I moved on and had to make new ones every year. I moved to new houses in third, sixth, and eighth grade. But if you consider going from one grade level to the next, you can say that I went to new schools in third, sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth grade, and once again for college. Now with all of this moving around behind me, I look back and realize that I never truly fitted in to any one of those places. Though I loved every single place for different reasons: my first house was so adventurous, elementary school was my favorite neighborhood, seventh grade had my favorite house and church, and eighth grade was where I loved school the most. None of these places will I ever call my home.
I really thought APU was going to be my home. I thought that finally I will be where I desire to be, the LA county area. However, I still have not found that perfect place for me. Don't get my wrong though, I absolutely love APU! The friends I have made there are the best friendships I have ever been blessed with, the culture is extremely active and unique in its own way, and I am taking my education beyond what I ever thought I could.
In my Christian, Life, Faith, and Ministry class, we discussed a lot about what God's will is for our lives. How we determine our purpose here on Earth. I was to begin looking at my vocation, calling, or life goal if you will. I started thinking about the things that drive me. The parts in life that make my heart just melt in joy or love. I couldn't put my finger directly on it. In fact, I was actually asked a little over a week ago, "what are you passionate about?" When I was asked this, I was completely blank! I looked across the table as my mind went into panic mode. Staring into space, my mind was searching for a file that did not exist. I couldn't answer such a simple question. I really don't remember what I eventually said but it must not have been very deep. Probably something about t-shirt design or being nice to girls. The point is that maybe I am about to grasp something I have never considered before.
Maybe I am not meant to have a home somewhere. Is it possible that I settling down somewhere just is not for me? I love going on voyages. Hear me out though, to me, there is a difference between travelling and a voyage. For me, traveling has a smaller more delicate sense of direction or purpose. Travelling is to explore, enjoy, or be entertained. My voyages have validity. They are deeper. When I think of going on a voyage in life, I have a mission and objective. I am going to seek out something and begin a new chapter of my life. This chapter will forever change me and when I am ready, I new chapter will begin and I will venture yonder once again. My voyage to APU was my lift ticket to my future. I came to APU to propel my life further than ever before. Here, I create beautiful relationships and reroute my faith in a straight path to God. But there is one thing that seems to be impossible to miss about this new place.
Many people at school believe that they will find their future spouse during college. This is a joke. Do you really go searching for this person? I think it's too consuming. How can I focus on my faith and education when I am distracting myself with girls? I don't want to spend my time looking for my long lost love. I put it this way, I kind of adopted this from something I heard from some speaker at some conference some short amount of years ago. If somebody is going to be with me forever, this is the one criteria they must meet. If I look at my life, I am running. I am running towards success and towards God. I look around myself in my run and see the people around me, some passing me, me passing others, and then I look and realize there is a stunning woman running right beside me at the exact same pace. She catches me eye, but she doesn't make me stop in a startle. I look over at her and she gets this mischievous look that says something along the lines of "bring it on, lets see what you've got." She runs next to me and looks as I am running my life and all of the sudden we are racing! We are pushing each other to success, to God, leaping over obstacles side by side as we push ourselves faster than we have ever gone before. We launch each other to excellence. That girl will be the one I spend my life with. I shall keep a sharp eye out in this race.
Most of what I am saying right now about home, life, and women, is just the birth of an idea. It's still forming and I am figuring a lot out right now. I just want to express it so I can share it and look back on this day a few months or even years from now.
There are a lot of things I am learning about myself and the man of God I am becoming. Mostly thanks to you, my ever so faithful friends. I learn a lot about myself through the eyes of others. Thanks for being so amazing. I miss my APU family like no other! I mean, it is great to be back in my house with my family but gosh I really do miss so much about you guys! I can not wait to get back. Lets get coffee and catch up. And if you're reading this from Idaho, let's hang out.
P.S. I am almost to 500 page views. Make it happen by Christmas.
I really liked what you had to say in this post. It might not be quite where you were going with your thoughts but the bit on homes reminded me of the idea that in our broken world we will never feel truly at home. That apart from God it's impossible to feel truly at rest. Anyways, I know there's a whole slough of other things that go along with that, it's just something I consider often. Also, listen to Fuel Up by Stornoway.
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